The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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