you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need to calm my uterus...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
