All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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