I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
