I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
