Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
