I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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