"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
