Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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