in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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