somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
