so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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