I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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