how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
