suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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