i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
