I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
