butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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