I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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