o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
