No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
