I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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