the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
