why didn't you poke me back
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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