We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
