When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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