there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
