Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
