before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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