I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize