I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm always down for nudity.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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