a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
