I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
