You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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