Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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