Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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