Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
