i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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