I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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