Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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