i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
