remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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