Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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