she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
