She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at about main and main street
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
