he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
