Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
