their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
