just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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