You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
