Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
