Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
