Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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