His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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