He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm bleeding and have questions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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