Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
