Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize