dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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