I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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