John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize