I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize