I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
