why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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