You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
