I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
